Online Purity – Part 2 “Social Networking Websites”

GUEST EDITORIAL BY ROB ONEKEA
“For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own
desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers (friends) to say what their
itching ears want to hear.” 2 Timothy 4:3 (Insertion mine)
According to Wikipedia, there are over 100 different social networking websites available with even more being developed as we read this. The phenomenon of these types of sites were made famous by a little website developed in 2002, simply called MySpace. MySpace enabled members to create a “profile” – post personal information and pictures – to connect with friends, meet new people and in theory, to network with anyone in the world. What a great concept! In just four short years, MySpace users became over 100 million strong, giving birth to many similar sites such as: Facebook, eHarmony, Match.com, Xanga and Flickr. Eventually, the darker side of mankind gave birth to sites like Adult Friend Finder, which encourage promiscuous relationships, immorality, homosexuality and infidelity. In order to understand the popularity of these types of sites, we first need to understand why there was such a “demand” for them in the first place.
Anonymity – People can create profiles for themselves that can blur the reality of who they really are, while being online. Being able to privately message other members through the veil of a profile, that may not be a true reflection of a person, allows that individual to “meet” hundreds of people that otherwise would not be attracted or attentive to him or her. “For such men are… deceitful… And no wonder, for Satan masquerades as an angel of light… It is not surprising, then if his servants masquerade.” (2 Corinthians 11:13-15)
Comfort – Being able to sit in the comfort of your home or work without going to nightclubs or compromising environments make it easy to make friends, socialize and find people with mutual interests. At any given time, if you feel threatened by anyone or things get awkward, you simply delete your profile and start again with a few modifications.
Cost – Perhaps, the most enticing aspect of these types of sites is that there are no monetary costs to create a profile, network and meet new people.
The spiritual aspect of these sites can be appealing as well. I remember when I created my first account on MySpace, a little over four years ago. A brother and close friend of mine suggested I use it to network with other disciples from around the world, musicians and just “socialize”. With a little reluctance, I created a profile on MySpace, placing pictures of my beautiful wife and kids on my page. I began to add “friends” and soon I became addicted and consumed, checking my profile every free opportunity I had. I constantly looked to see who else I could add, hoping I would have 2000 friends by the end of the month! One of the things that this brother failed to tell me is that the majority of MySpace was populated with barely clothed men and women seeking attention and degrading themselves, as well as flirting and attempting to get into relationships. My wife and I were married for 13 years at the time. She worked outside our home as an Executive Director for a large non-profit organization, and I ran my record label and recording studio from home, which gave me the time to check my profile regularly. What started out as an innocent way to network with disciples and others around the world, turned into an addiction of online socializing and “chatting”. I found a false sense of security and friendships with my new network of online friends, always able to find someone to communicate with at any given moment.
My sins of idleness, selfishness and desiring attention, eventually led to an online “relationship” with another woman. I enjoyed the attention I received, which gave me a false sense of comfort and fulfillment, to the point of feeling justified. It excited me to chat and receive daily emails. In short, I was flattered. It didn’t take long before we decided to exchange phone numbers and even began talking over the phone. I was so enticed and asleep spiritually. I went as far as preparing to leave my wife to be with this person. I became more and more self-consumed, drifting further away from God and emotionally away from my wife. I realized that the excessive time and attention I was giving to MySpace and my network of “friends” should have belonged to building my relationships with God, my wife and fellow disciples. Thankfully, through the grace of God and His mercy, He saved me once again and provided me a way to repent! That same brother that recommended MySpace to me challenged me to cut-off my virtual relationship completely. I am so grateful that I did, and thankfully, my wife forgave me! I realized that in my life and in my marriage, God can never cease to be forever first and I must always fight to protect my relationship with God at any and every cost!
A few months later, I found out the woman with whom I had an online relationship had a fake profile, and was not the person I thought she was. I was so foolish to be enticed by Satan’s lies and turn away from God. It scares me to think, I was so close to throwing away my marriage to my awesome wife, as well as being a father to my two wonderful children just to satisfy my own ego and selfish desires, especially a false sense of comfort.
Through this journey and God’s grace, I now have very deep convictions about protecting my walk with God online and offline! I embrace and value my time with my wife. I set boundaries limiting online access to ensure that I am accountable to protect my purity and my walk with God. As disciples, we should ask ourselves, “Is it worth risking my salvation to be on these networking sites?” I understand that there are many faithful disciples that frequent sites like Facebook. Another question to ask yourself is, “How much time am I spending on it and am I being a disciple, reaching out to my ‘friends’ with it?” There is no arguing that these sites are a part of society today and it is difficult not to be a part of it. As disciples, many of us need to consider 1 Corinthians 6:12, “Everything is permissible for me –but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible for me – but I will not be mastered by anything.” Is it a sin for us to be in these social networking sites? No. However, is it wise for us to do so? The answer depends. Most of these sites are advertisement driven. The companies first look at the target audience before investing money on a site. Studies show that most individuals who frequent these social networking sites range from ages 12-40. And, people go there to meet people. It is only fitting that the sites that advertise the most are dating services, which entice you with images of striking men and women. Also, there are “chat rooms” that can “poison” disciples minds through distorted experiences related by bitter people, some of whom are fallen away disciples. (Acts 14: 2) Therefore, as disciples, “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:8)
Other serious dangers are also prevalent with social networking sites. Child predators, stalkers and sexual offenders frequent these sites to prey on the weak minded, broken-in-spirit and naive. These individuals are experts at deception and can easily coax out what school your child goes to, where you live, and very sinisterly, when you will not be there. Disciples who are weak or emotionally empty can also feel the pull of attention from someone in the world showing them love and attention. This will eventually lead you to people that could rape or kill you, or even worse, cause you to fall away from God.
One aspect of pornography that should blow you away is that men aren’t the only victims to it’s alluring attraction. Women battle with these struggles just as much as men do. The big difference typically is that while men tend to view outright pornography, women lean more towards chat rooms and online dating. The biggest challenge for men is simply not confessing. At a men’s summit in Oregon before 2,000 men, Shelley Lubben of Shelley Lubben ministries challenged those who were struggling with porn addiction to stand. 30% rose to their feet. She immediately challenged them a second time, with the result that some 70% were standing.
Fox News reported the over 76 percent of women are now watching pornography and an alarming 12 percent of those women admitted to making their own amateur pornographic videos or performing impure acts in front of web cameras for pay-per-view sites.
There is a cosmic war between God and Satan happening on the internet, and we need to be prepared to deal with it! As I discussed in last week’s article, as disciples we need to put on the “armor of God” to be victorious. When it comes to networking sites, it’s much harder to monitor exactly what’s going on behind the scenes. Messages are private, friend requests are anonymous, and there are simply more challenges with them. Staying close to God and accountability are keys to surviving sites such as Facebook. As a parent, I had a strict “no Facebook rule,” simply because I’ve seen the damage that can be caused by it. I refused to allow my children to be hurt through things that I cannot control. Educating your children in these areas is vital. Most disciples in the church have a Facebook account and it does serve as a useful tool to communicate with disciples around the world; however, it is still not without it’s challenges. The next time you’re on Facebook, take a look at some of your non-disciple “friends”. Are there inappropriate pictures on there? Is there any profanity? Are there a lot of useless “applications” that consume your time making you ineffective for God? Just like “taming the tongue,” you must also learn to tame your time online.
So how can we prevent the negative situations that I have shared from happening? Let me reiterate – accountability, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” (Hebrews 4:13) A dear friend of mine who now leads our church in Honolulu, Lu Jack Martinez, shared with me that he installed a program on his computer called Covenant Eyes. Although this program is not a filtering software like Safe Eyes, it does however work effectively. From the program of Covenant Eyes, internet surfers can go anywhere, view anything, but within this program, the user selects trusted individuals, who are then sent a weekly list of all the websites you have visited, noting especially those that may have “adult material”. We all need to be personally responsible for our actions, but having accountability from others – who are not afraid to “speak the truth in love” – prayerfully, will avert us from going down the road to hell.

One definition of impurity is “anything that defiles the body”. As disciples of Jesus, we need to ensure that we do everything we can to remain pure and righteous before God. Only a strong prayer life, a personal commitment to transparency, and being a servant in a vibrant discipling church family will lead the noble-hearted to the very gates of heaven. To God be the glory!
Rob Onekea